“I am never going to find a good man”

” I am never going to find a good man.”  Is a phrase I hear all too often from single women .  It’s as if there is this “shortage” of good men and it is a crisis, like the drought in California.

Are there more “good” women out there than men? Perhaps. But what can we do about this “crisis”? Does this mean we are destined for a life of singledom?  Should I start loading up on cat food at Cosco now?  and last but not least should I just settle? (PS I am wondering if most guys feel this sense of defeat when they desire a mate, I am willing to bet it’s a resounding no).

So here goes, what can I do about this “crisis”?  Well I can guarantee you complaining about it, will do nothing.  Here is a radical thought, go out there and live your life.  Volunteer, travel, take up dancing or yoga, find a hobby, find great girlfriends, LIVE YOUR LIFE (in my Rihanna voice). Is it nice to have a significant other to these things with?  Of course. But can you find joy in doing them alone or with friends?  Hells yes!

Does this “shortage of good men”, mean I am destined for a life of singledom? I am going to tell you ladies something you might not want to hear, so brace yourself. Your husband might not come when you want him to.  I know…I know you were supposed to be married at 25, with 2 kids and a successful career by 30.  I am sorry to poo poo on your parade, but life does not (always) work like that.  It rarely goes as plans.  If you do meet him early on that is great, but if you don’t, maybe it is time to embrace your singledom, instead of it feeling like a prison sentence whose only release is when you meet the man of your dreams (more to come on this later).  SEE ABOVE AND LIVE AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE WITH OR WITHOUT A MAN (yes I am raising my voice at you, but only a little and it’s with love).

Ok next question, should I start loading up on cat food at Cosco? I really hate this idea that women who are single or never marry, end up wearing muumuus and house shoes and talking to their 20 cats.  But I happen to like cats (and dogs) so if you want to buy cat food and get a cat by all means do that shit, or if you don’t want the commitment, just feed the neighborhood cats like I do.  In all seriousness animals are great companions so if you have the time, get one and love them, and yes buy them food (the good shit).

Last but not least. Should I just settle? This one is a doozy.  In short, hell no to the no no no no no…. (PS are we out there telling men to just lower their standards because they are being too “picky”).  Now let me start by saying settling is not:  dating a shorter man, a man who doesn’t look like Idris Elba, a man who doesn’t make six figures, a man who doesn’t drive a Bentley, a man who doesn’t dress great, a man who may be a bit slimmer or thicker than you are used to, a man who is of a different background or religion than you.

Settling is: dating someone who doesn’t respect you or others, who doesn’t take you out, who abuses you, who is controlling, who calls you names, who is irresponsible, who is a player, who puts you down, who doesn’t spend time with you, who lies and cheats, who has addiction problems, or major money issues, or you taking care of an able bodied grown man, or if he lives at home (when he is grown and for no good reason). So no, do not settle just to have a man, any woman who has been with a no good man child, will tell you, it far better to be alone!

In short, when the time is right I am more than certain you will meet your perfect match.  In the meantime live your life, accomplish your goals, and be the kick ass woman I know you are, and please do not settle for anything less than what you deserve, which is the best!

Love and light 





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